In the Right and Wrong Places at the Right Times
by uzumaki rakku
Summary: Someone intervened during Jiraiya's fight against Pain, and the two of them got the hell out of there. Who was it, you ask? Well, who else can it be, hmm? "Would you choose to hunt down a traitor or protect what you already have? Which is more important?"
1. In the Right Place at the Right Time

**A/N:**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

**This was a fic fragment, but I finally came up with a title...  
Someone intervened during Jiraiya's fight against Pain, and the two of them got the hell out of there. Who was it, you ask? Well, who else can it be, hmm? "Would you choose to hunt down a traitor or protect what you already have? Which is more important?"**

**It's nice to keep Jiraiya alive, eh? x) Hope you like this first chapter. I'd write more, but I'm a bit... stuck. Ah well. **

**I have a bad habit of suddenly getting new fic ideas, and go off writing them, because the evil plot bunny keeps giving me more and more ideas. I know Dear Weird Book and Irrelevant have been on hiatus since forever, and I am really sorry! -guilty look- I'll try to update, kay? (I say that every time, but... sigh.)**

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"Didn't you teach me to never let down my guard, _Jiraiya-sensei_."

Jiraiya's eyes widened.

_Smash._

The Asura path (Shuradou) of Pain struck.

A figure came smashing through the wall. He flew through the air, landing awkwardly on the water outside and skidded for a distance before coming to an unsteady stop.

Blood flowed at an alarming rate, staining the water a deep crimson. Jiraiya stared. There was _no way in hell_...!

The six orange-haired (except one who had _no hair at all_) paths of Pain leaped from the hole in the wall, landing gracefully on a roof-like ledge. Each wearing the distinctive cloak of the infamous Akatsuki, and _all six of them_ regarding him with their Rinnegan eyes. "Six? There are six of them? _And all of them possess the Rinnegan?_" Fukasaku exclaimed, astounded. But Jiraiya paid them no heed - not even the fact that he was now facing _six_ Rinnegan users - and focused his attention on one solitary, spiky-haired person. _Him?_

He was the last person Jiraiya had expected to see there.

"Damn you, Ero-Sennin! It's supposed to be a _recon_ mission, a freaking RECON mission! And you just _have_ to go and get yourself into fighting the leader of Akatsuki... times six. I swear, you suck."

Uzumaki Naruto had arrived. And he was pissed.

The sheer number of Kage Bunshin in the area was a good indication.

"OI! LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM! IT COULD'VE BEEN CUT _OFF_ JUST NOW YOU MORON!" he glared as he hollered, pointing to the huge, bleeding gash on Jiraiya's left arm. Furious, the Gama Sennin immediately roared back, "You're one to talk, you damn gaki! LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO YOURS!"

Naruto's left arm... was gone.

It had been cut off somewhere above the elbow, the moment he switched himself with his teacher with a jutsu he used very, very rarely: Kawarimi.

"I'm fine, baka Ero-sennin," he replied shortly. With his other hand, he formed a quick series of half-seals, then reached out towards his severed arm lying some distance away. Red chakra, mixed with small wisps of blue, burst out of his palm and connected with the appendage.

Jiraiya watched in a sort of horrified fascination as Naruto tugged his right hand, and the arm came flying towards him. The older man stared as Naruto grimly, _calmly_ caught it, and the red chakra _(which had temporarily taken on the form of a dark red hand, he noted)_ relinquished its hold on Naruto's left arm. It encased both the severed limb and its other half, limiting the blood loss and protecting them from further damage.

Glancing around briefly, he saw Naruto's Kage Bunshin battling the six Pains _(what a _pain_ in the neck they are, he heard one of them mutter)_ and seemed to be holding their ground... despite the more-than-obvious fact that the enemy was not fighting seriously. His eyes narrowed. _'Not yet, anyway.'_

Naruto spoke. "We'd better get out of here first. My Kage Bunshin won't hold them off for much longer."

Jiraiya nodded shortly. After two-and-a-half years of living, travelling, training and occasionally fighting together, communication was simple and easy. A nod here, a glance in this or that direction, a hand-signal or two and a couple of words were usually enough to get the point across.

A few smoke bombs _and_ a flash tag _(because according to Naruto, there was _no_ 'overkill' when it came to distractions) _later, both were gone. Not a moment too late, either, as a loud yell was heard in the distance, "Fuuton: Rasenshuriken!"

Naruto grinned. "Seems like they're enjoying themselves."

"Is that your 'super awesome kick-ass deadly' new jutsu?"

"What else _can_ it be?"

"But isn't it... a kinjutsu?"

He shrugged. "Only because of the damage done to _me_. Not Kage Bunshin."

"But - ! Doesn't that mean... butbutbut... then - you - !" Jiraiya spluttered.

There was no hiding the very wide, very prankster and very distinctively _Naruto_ grin.

"Since Kage Bunshin can use suicidal jutsu such as the Bunshin Daibakuha, why not other kinjutsu that are banned due to damage done to the user? How the hell did no one ever discover that little loophole anyway?"

Jiraiya just stared. Then frowned.

"Why did _you_ use the Kawarimi to switch with me, then? You could have, _should_ have use a Kage Bunshin!" He glared at the still-bleeding arm of his student, trying to keep himself calm.

"Oh... Uhm. I kinda... just did the first thing that came to mind..." Naruto blinked.

"Crazy idiotic gaki."

"Shuddup."

There was a temporary silence between the two as they concentrated on getting to the border and getting the hell _out_ of Ame no Kuni as quickly as possible. Jiraiya tossed a blood-replenishing pill to Naruto, who caught it with his teeth, and ate one himself. He tried to ignore the grimace on the teen's face when they ran, knowing that his injury was affecting him. Badly.

They reached the border and dashed across the lake, finally stopping at a small cave to rest. Naruto was still holding his severed left arm with his right hand, and that was definitely one of the many sights neither of them liked to see nor wanted to see again.

Naruto's eyes closed and he let out a fatigued sigh as he leant against the wall of the cave. He allowed himself to slowly slide down along the wall into a sitting position, while Jiraiya simply plopped down onto the hard ground without a care.

After recovering some of his strength, Naruto released the lower part of his arm and the red chakra, which was only a few shades lighter than the crimson liquid that had flowed freely a moment ago, connected the two separated halves. Both student and teacher watched intently as severed blood vessels reconnected, torn tissue repaired itself and quickly weaved back to their original state, bones were repaired or regrown, and finally there was nothing left but unblemished skin and the blood that had stained Naruto's jacket. _'Tsunade would be amazed at this,'_ Jiraiya thought wryly. _'Then she would be **so** pissed at him for getting himself injured.'_

The blond took a deep, shuddering breath. Recovering from such severe wounds _that_ quickly was always taxing, not to mention chakra-consuming. "You have _no idea_ how weird that feels."

"And _you_ have no idea how freaky it looked! Why the _HELL_ did you follow me here? How did you get in without being noticed - heck, how did you even know about this mission? Are you crazy?" The white-haired man was frantic. He felt a crazy mix of emotions - worry for his insane student's safety, anger at him at getting into such a dangerous situation, gratitude for the rescue, relief that the wound had healed...

It was turning into one _hell_ of a stressful day.

"Uhh... you kinda sound like Iruka-sensei now, you know..." Naruto looked sheepish.

"Um..." Glancing around for a distraction, he immediately brightened up when he saw the two Toad Sages, still perched on Jiraiya's shoulders.

"Hi!"

Blink. Blink.

"..." The blond sighed.

"I'm sorry, I really don't know who you are... Anyway, I'm Uzumaki Naruto!" He smiled cheerily.

"So this is Jiraiya-chan's apprentice."

"Ehhh? Why're you calling Ero-Sennin Jiraiya-_chan_?"

"Gaki! Stop calling me that!"

Fukasaku burst out laughing, and Shima soon followed.

"Ero-Sennin? Very nice, little tadpole. It fits him very well," she chuckled.

"I am Fukasaku and this is my wife, Shima," Fukasaku said, in reply to Naruto's earlier question.

"They are the two great sages of Mt. Myobokuzan," Jiraiya added.

"Wow! Really?"

"I taught Jiraiya-chan here Senjutsu."

Naruto frowned slightly. "I think Ero-Sennin told me a bit about that once... And that's the reason for his appearance just now, right? He definitely looked rather like a toad." He grinned. "But it sounds like it should be quite powerful. Do you think any of you can teach me...?"

"Maybe in the future."

"Cool!" He beamed, and Jiraiya grinned in amusement. _'Enthusiastic as ever.'_

"I'd love to stay and chat, but we really need to get back or dinner will get cold," grumbled Shima. "I trust you two can get back to Konoha on your own?"

"Yes. I am very grateful for your assistance."

"Yeah, thanks for keeping him alive," Naruto grinned.

Bonk.

"Ow! Stupid Ero-Sennin..."

Chuckling, the two Sages disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Jiraiya sighed and stretched tiredly, wincing at the sharp, sudden pain in his shoulder wound.

"Hey, Naruto?"

"Hmm?"

"Was it like that when you healed from Sasuke's Chidori?"

He stiffened slightly, then relaxed as he leant against the wall again, staring thoughtfully into the campfire.

"Something like that. Though regenerating a lung was more uncomfortable I think. Hmm. I don't know, this feels weirder though, with the arm reconnecting and all..."

"..."

Neither had anything more to say for a while.

"...Naruto."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

He smiled.

"Go get some sleep, Ero-Sennin. I'll take first watch."

"No way in hell, gaki. You just freaking recovered from getting your arm cut off, you go get some rest _now_."

Grumbling slightly, the blond unsealed two sleeping bags from somewhere, tossed one to him and crawled into his own.

He fell asleep soon after, and Jiraiya sat there, keeping his silent vigil and absently listening to the soft, even breathing of his godson.

* * *

The next day:

"Baa-chan's gonna kill us. No, she'll kill me first, then she'll kill you, then she's going to yell at us for being a pair of idiots."

"No, she'll kill me first."

"No, she'll kill me for running off."

"She's definitely going to blame me for the whole situation and for making you an idiot – since I am, most _unfortunately_, your sensei."

"You're the one who went on this mission. _I'm_ the one who suddenly decided to pop up out of nowhere. She'll kill me first."

"...Why am I even getting into an argument with you over this?"

"..."

"..."

"Let's just get the hell back home."

"Agreed."

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**Heh. Hope you liked it. Review, kay? Thankyousomuch! x)**

**And yeah, I'll explain just _why_ Naruto was there instead of hunting down Sasuke (who cares about Sasuke, anyway...) next time.**

**And about that Kage Bunshin and kinjutsu loophole... WHY THE HECK HASN'T ANYONE USED THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE YET? D:**

**Sandaime sort-of did, but it was a suicide jutsu anyway so... ._.**


	2. Sarcastic Eyebrows and Random Questions!

**A/N: GOSH I AM MAD UPDATING ON MONDAY XDDDDDD**

**-ahem-**

**Well I love this fic so much I really couldn't ignore it any longer! -pats-**

**xD**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**And hope the quality's up to standard. It was written by a sleep-deprived rakku at 11++++pm, after all... xD**

**Do review more! It was a review that made me decide to just 'argh! to hell with it!' and finish this chappie. x)**

**-uber huge hint-**

**Enjoy!**

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_A few hours before "The next day":_

Naruto blinked awake. The Kage Bunshin he had left to hunt for Sasuke had long since dispersed, and their memories had settled into his brain while he slept. Sleeping on it was probably the best way to deal with large influxes of information from dispersed clones, as it was _perfectly_ migraine-less. That was why he liked to take very short naps, usually lasting about fifteen to thirty minutes when he trained using the Tajuu Kage Bunshin method.

He rubbed his eyes blearily. "What time is it?"

"One past midnight."

"Oh."

Then he frowned. "Wasn't I supposed to take second watch?"

Jiraiya shrugged, and somehow Naruto was unsurprised that his teacher had let him sleep through what _should_ have been the beginning of his shift.

_"Weren't you supposed to be hunting down Sasuke again anyway?"_ Jiraiya remarked wryly.

"..." he grimaced.

"Mission failed," Naruto said shortly. "He was gone before we could get there. Uchiha Itachi is dead, too."

Jiraiya raised a calm, sarcastic eyebrow _(and how he managed to do so, Naruto had absolutely no idea)_. "Do elaborate. And while you're at it, maybe you can explain just _why_ and _how_ you got here."

"Right." he sighed. "I don't feel like sleeping now, anyway. So, well... I, uhm, actually keep a few Kage Bunshin in the village when I go out on missions that are not too long...? Mostly to keep an eye on stuff, you know, like my potted plants - " He ignored Jiraiya second sarcastic eyebrow and his incredulous "You use Kage Bunshin just to look after _plants?_" and continued, "_As well as_ experiment a bit and find out how long they can last. More recently, I've been using them to train, and Henge into random stuff to _acquire information_."

Naruto grinned cheekily. "I _am _the student of Konoha's Spymaster after all, even if you did not teach me _that_ much about infiltration and espionage, hmph."

"I... see. I think I can vaguely see where this is going?"

"So I left a number of Kage Bunshin in Konoha before I left on that mission, and, well, I _may _have overheard stuff here and there?"

Jiraiya stared at him. "How much do you know?"

Naruto shrugged his right shoulder, absently rubbing his previously-injured left arm. "Let's see: I already had a vague idea that you have some info on Akatsuki, and thanks to my Kage Bunshins I knew that the leader of Akatsuki is in Ame no Kuni. I also knew that you were going after him, and that you were not _quite _so sure you'd come back." His eyes glinted with that mad amusement of which his teacher had developed a healthy and reasonable amount of wariness. "But I gave you a _niiiiiice_ little bit of privacy when you were saying your sweet farewells to Baa-chan."

Naruto dodged, grinning broadly, as Jiraiya swatted at him. "I'd hate to admit it, but I think you actually _impressed_ her with your cool act and all and - ow! Oww!!! Is this the way to treat your poor apprentice?" He flailed indignantly.

"Curiosity killed the cat, gaki," his teacher growled, disgruntled _(and faintly embarrassed, Naruto insisted to himself)_.

"Do I _look_ like a cat to you?"

"..."

Damn the sarcastic eyebrows.

"Shuddup."

"You are a rude, overly curious apprentice with a whiskered face. Live with it!" Came the cheerful reply.

Scowling, he pointed crossly at Jiraiya's face. "Just shuddup."

"Fine, fine, continue... Whiskers."

Naruto glared at him.

"Stupid Ero-Sennin. So _anyway_... two of my Kage Bunshin went with you into Ame no Kuni - under Henge, of course. We followed you around. Everywhere." He grinned slightly.

"I am sure I would have noticed two stalkers," His teacher replied, surprised. He blinked, and added slowly, "Unless... your Kage Bunshin did not Henge into _people_ - "

"Yep! They transformed into pretty much anything, really! No one would actually notice two happy-happy-happy cute little hitchhiking ants, now, would they? Hmm?"

Jiraiya snorted. "Your puppy-eyes are a little _too_ innocent to be convincing."

"Ah, but exaggeration is an art too."

"Never heard of it."

Rather peeved, Naruto ignored him and went on. "The two of them stayed hidden while you did a lovely bit of reconnaissance, then followed you and kept out of the way while you were fighting Pain. By the way," He added. "You really need to tell me more about the Rinnegan and stuff. It has something to do with your former students... right? You told me a... bit, last time." Naruto raised his eyebrows mildly. "If I remember correctly. And I'm _quite _sure I do."

The older man nodded shortly. "We'll talk about the Rinnegan later. You've explained how you knew about this mission and how your Kage Bunshin followed me here, but what about yourself? How did _you_ get here?" Jiraiya paused, frowning. "Wait a minute..." he said slowly. "You... no way... you didn't use _that_, did you? You _know_ you're not supposed to use it! I made the reasons quite clear, _several times_, about just why I do not allow you to use - "

"Yes yes yes yes _yes, I know that!_ My lack of full understanding of and mastery over the jutsu, the high risk of injury, how one small mistake can be fatal, lalala, lalala~" He waved a hand airily, then let his expression change into something more indignant. "But I was pretty sure _you_ won't use _that_ to get me as backup even if you are in deep shit - which you were!!! - so I took matters into my own hands. That's all. And you can stop flailing in extremely delayed panic, because I did _not _use Hiraishin no Jutsu. I used something else that was based on it."

Jiraiya leaned back against the cave wall with some amount of annoyed relief and interest. "Hmm. Self-summoning, then?"

"Yeah, that's what Hiraishin basically is. This is quite simple, really. My Kage Bunshins discovered that you were having some trouble, so one of them dispelled to inform me and I created and dispelled another Kage Bunshin on my end to tell the remaining one on your side to summon me here." He paused and blinked. That had sounded a _bit_ more complicated than it was supposed to be. "It's a bit like Reverse Kuchiyose, really, but technically it falls under the category of self-summoning, I guess." Naruto rummaged through his bag with his left hand, trying to find something.

"Because your _own_ Kage Bunshin is summoning you to where he is located."

"Yep. Maybe I can call it Bunshin Kuchiyose? Hmm... Doesn't sound too bad either..."

Jiraiya sighed. Naruto liked to digress and spend _quite_ an amount of time pondering anything that had to do with new jutsu.

"When did you actually arrive? I didn't see you at all." He abruptly brought the conversation back to something closer to their original topic.

"About a while before the two Sages cast the genjutsu. Grah! Stupid bag!" He started emptying the contents into his lap, exasperated.

Ignoring his student's antics _(for he had gotten used to them a very _long_ time ago)_, Jiraiya asked, "How come none of us sensed your chakra?"

"Maybe I just got better at hiding my presence!" Naruto said cheerily. "Aha!" He took out two apples, and tossed one to Jiraiya. "Sheesh... Since when were _apples_ this hard to find?"

"I was not wrong when I said you have the best survival instincts I've ever known of," Jiraiya remarked wryly. _'But I should have been able to sense him in Sage mode. He must have found new ways to stay undetected...'_ He smiled, amused._ 'You never fail to live up to your nickname of the Most Surprising and Unpredictable Shinobi, eh?' _Aloud he added, "Yet you _still_ purposefully make yourself the loudest ninja in the whole world."

Naruto gave a surprisingly good imitation of the Sarcastic Eyebrows. "Digressing much?"

"You're changing the subject."

"Am not."

"You're stubborn as a mule."

"Guilty as charged."

"..." They lapsed into a comfortable almost-silence as Naruto cheerfully chomped on his apple.

"Is your arm okay now?" Jiraiya asked suddenly.

His student shrugged lopsidedly. "Guess so. Useable."

"How exactly did you know how to... reconnect it?"

"Uhm. I didn't feel like being armless, so I just grabbed the arm and let Kyuubi's chakra do the rest."

"What about the half-seals you used? What were they for?"

"To gather the chakra I stored in some seals on my shoulders. I sealed away some chakra for emergency healing and regeneration. The chakra is mostly Kyuubi's, but I mixed in a small amount of mine as well. It has negated some of the more... _unpleasant..._ effects of Kyuubi's youki," He paused, wincing. "and purified it a bit, so I only use it to heal. Came up with the idea after the first Four-Tailed incident," Naruto scowled fiercely. "And I finally completed it sometime after the second Four-Tailed incident."

"I... see."

"You know, there's one question you haven't answered yet," Jiraiya remarked, breaking Naruto out of his gloomy cloud of guilt.

"Huh? I've done nothing _but_ answer questions. You know I hate giving long and _tiresome_ explanations..." the boy grumbled.

He raised his eyebrows, faintly surprised, but refused to go along with the subtle attempt to change the topic. "You've told me _how_ you knew the situation in this mission and how you got here. What I still want to know is _why_."

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked carefully.

Silence.

He scowled. "Fine, fine... I know _exactly_ what you mean, and I'm supposed to stop steering this conversation off-track."

"Well," he paused awkwardly.

"..."

"Well, you're my sensei, aren't you? You've dragged me out from all kinds of messes I got myself into, and I figured I should keep an eye out for you as well. I'm not an ungrateful bastard."

_'Not like Sasuke.'_

"You've taught me for almost three whole years. You showed that you actually _care_ - even after throwing me off that damn cliff - and _somehow_ you ended up right up there in the list of people I care about. There is _no way in hell_ I'm going to lose anyone to Akatsuki! Especially not a perverted old hermit who's taught me practically _everything_ I know, whom I owe my life to, _many times over_..." He grinned crookedly. "...and somehow manages to turn simple missions into confrontations with missing-nin - _especially _Akatsuki members."

_(Itachi, Kisame, Orochimaru and the weird "Pain" persons, to name a few...)_

After a short pause, during which Naruto looked both extremely embarrassed and extremely annoyed at his embarrassment, Jiraiya spoke up again."How's progress on Hiraishin?"

"Not nearly there yet, but I'm working on it." Naruto tossed the apple core into a random and obscure corner of the cave, hugely relieved at the change of topic to something much less awkward.

"Won't that attract ants?"

His student's palm met forehead, and he gave Jiraiya an incredulous, _what-the-heck-are-you-talking-today _stare. "We are in a friggin' _cave_. And I. Don't. Care. Anyway." Naruto sighed in exaggerated frustration. "Seriously! How many _more_ random questions are you going to ask?" His sensei grinned, rubbing his hands in a more-than-familiar 'I'm a super pervert, muahahaha!' way.

"As many as I can think of, unless you can help get me some lovely _inspiration_ for another book... Ahaha..."

Jiraiya could not help but chuckle at the long-suffering sigh he received in response.

"Typical Ero-Sennin..."

"Stop calling me that you rude gaki!"

"No way in hell!"

Jiraiya's large hand ruffled his godson's wild blonde hair affectionately, and the boy gave him a cheerful, mischievous grin.

"Come on! Let's go HOME!!! WHOO!"

...

"Oh, and eat your damn apple already..."

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**Please review! (: (: (: make me feel good about my favourite fic (this fic ties for first with DWB ;DD)**

**I shall now go and get some sorely-needed zzzs...**

**I'll try to update again soon, k? ^^**

**And happy super-belated new year! xDDD**


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